Emotional Unavailability and Narcissism Labels in Relationships
It’s easy to be involved in a relationship with someone and notice very real emotional connection issues. In this day and age it’s easy to slap a label on a person or situation and viola, problem identified and move on. After all, they are the one with the problem and you’re fine, right? Wrong! The truth is that people with emotional connectivity issues are doing the best that they can with the tools that are available to them.
Let’s refrain from calling people narcissists. It’s a label and when we issue that label, we our selves and being judgmental and coming from a lower vibrational place and not taking responsibility for what we can do to break our own cycles of being involved in emotionally unavailable partners, nor recognizing our emotional unavailability issues.
It is then better to understand our behaviors and patterns to find out why we end up with the same emotionally unavailable partners and on the other side of that coin, accepting we too have emotional unavailability issues. The truth is that it takes two to tango, and it’s imperative that we are fully aware of our emotional availability. Just because we engulf a person with too much emotion does not mean that this is a healthy behavior as well.
The truth is it’s not as simple to look at a relationship between TWO people and just come to the conclusion that the OTHER person has the problem and that we are fine. Rather then using labels like narcissism, let’s begin to explore the root cause of the lack of emotional connection, using keywords to research such as “emotional abandonment” and “relationship addictions”.
Many times we confuse infatuation for love. We find our selves bending over backwards for someone we have chosen to be “the one” essentially pushing them away since its common for individuals with emotional unavailability to continue in same pattern relationships. We also choose the impossible love story, with incredible obstacles and scenarios that don’t make it realistically probable for that relationship to succeed.
Of course good communication and understanding can penetrate all obstacles and boundaries, it’s just important to recognize what types of partners are we REALLY attracted to. It generally happens on both sides and we can find ourselves being both the infatuated or the smothered. Sometimes these roles can switch in the same relationship.
Ever find yourself madly in love, head over heels for someone, get hurt, and then having someone shortly after, before or during feeling that way for you and not being able to reciprocate or feel the same way towards them? It’s easy to hide behind “personality declarations” like, “Oh, I’m just not that emotional or like to talk about feelings” or “You are the over emotional one and I’m the cool one”.
Healthy relationships require validation. Checking in on each others thoughts and feelings in ways that don’t have to be overly intense or too much work. They involve healthy listening and understanding and acknowledgment of our communication differences and short comings. After all, is there ever a such thing of having “too much unconditional love and understanding” for a happily committed relationship? Nope!
Let’s become aware of our short comings and avoid unnecessary labels. People are doing the best that they can with the tools that they have and we haven’t experienced their unique and traumatic experiences. The key is recognizing and understanding and bringing these aspects to our partners awareness in a way that is neutral and that we take responsibility for our part. It is never too late to mend a relationship, or even make it stronger than before, if both partners are aware, willing and able to do the hard work.
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